I intended
to post this yesterday as a follow-up to my morning post, but the day got away
from me. I’m sure you have had similar days.
The last
writer’s conference I attended made agents available for advance reader
submissions. For forty dollars you could submit the first five pages of your
novel to an agent for their input. For a lot of folks, myself included, this
was a big deal. Until then the nearest contact I had with an agent was a
rejection letter (lots of them), either via US Mail or email (actually, I did
make it to second base with one editor, only to get shot down in flames).
So agent day
came. Lots of anticipation. There were some success stories. I didn’t hear of
any outright offers of representations, but a lot of agents handed over
business cards and said, “Call me.”
There was
also a lot of grumbling from writers. The ones I saw fell into two categories:
“The agent didn’t get me.” One fellow
came back from his agent interview mad and upset. “Who is this person to judge?”
he asked. “They didn’t take the time to understand my work.” If I’d been the
confrontational type I would have said any one of several things: 1) Yeah, well
I was in several critique groups with you and I didn’t get your work, either.
2) I heard you already grumbling before your agent meeting. Did you research
writers of your genre? Did you read their online blogs and interviews? It
didn’t sound as if you had done either. 3) Maybe your writing is not good
enough. Practice the craft some more. 4) Did you wear your big boy pants?
You’re a writer, and if you want to get published, that means you take the
criticism.
Some of these are baby agents.An
agent young enough to be my granddaughter is not going to work. As I get
older I have come to realize that the cops are getting younger, along with
doctors and just about everyone else around me. Last year I took the
twelve-year-old in my house to the dentist and I’m not even sure this guy could
buy liquor. Again, did you research the agent? I seem to recall that they had
pictures and things like that. You could see these things coming. There are a
whole bunch of baby boomers who have retired from other professions and are
turning their efforts to writing. As a baby boomer, though, you have to pick
and choose agents who are going to understand stories of mid-life crisis, adult
children, and why the fact that you didn’t go to Woodstock really pisses you
off.
There are
other types when it comes to advance submissions to agents. These were the two
I saw. How did it turn out for me? Not bad. I received some encouraging words,
and the realization that I have some work ahead of me.
I’ve been in
enough business situations, writing and otherwise, to encounter some stalkers.
I might have been guilty of it a time or two myself. Since I own my own
business, there has been a time or two when I was stalked by some graphic
designer or photographer who wanted my business. It’s kind of freaky.
So Chip
MacGregor’s blog
post on how writers can get noticed at a conference, but was really about
writers who stalk agents, was, to me, pretty funny. Sadly though, I can see it
happening.
Read this,
and my blog post later today, and learn about this mistakes I have seen people
make when trying to attract an agent at a writer’s conference.
If you have been following the news as of late, you know what
happened to Reza Aslan. This associate professor who teaches writing and
religion recently published a new book, Zealot:
The Life and Times of
Jesus of Nazareth, wherein he portrays Jesus as a
revolutionary who dared to defy the Romans, at his time the most powerful
empire the world had ever known.
FOX News asked for an interview, which he granted. Rather
than ask him about his book, though, host Lauren Green attacked Aslan as a Muslim
writing about Jesus (disregard the fact that Christians see it as their duty to
right about Islam all the time). Aslan reminded Green that although he is a
Muslim, he is also a Harvard-educated expert on religions. Regardless, Green
continued to shove her foot farther into her mouth.
NOTE: Two things you need to know: 1) It was obvious that
Green had not read the book and that her notes were based comments and
observations by folks you would expect to watch FOX News. 2) Aslan is Iranian.
He emigrated to the U.S. in 1979 after the Islamic revolution in that country.
He became a Christian in his teens, but later converted back to his Muslim
faith. He is, first and foremost however, a student and teacher of religions.
See the video of the FOX News video here:
The interview went viral and the results were—well, you can
guess—Alsan’s book skyrocketed to #1 on Amazon. Bookstores can scarcely keep it
in stock. Aslan has since been on The Bill Maher Show, interviewed by Pierce
Morgan, and had countless other television appearances. This past Tuesday night
Aslan
made an appearance at Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon, a cradle of
godless atheism (snark). They had to close the doors thirty minutes before
Aslan went on. The room was already filled to capacity.
The FOX News episode was predicable—conservative media, a
Muslim author, a book about Jesus. What could possibly go wrong? I am sure
Aslan at least expected there might be a golden opportunity here. For the rest
of us writers, however, there is a lesson. Even the smallest opportunity to speak
about your book or novel can turn golden under the right circumstances. Aslan
could have easily allowed himself to get sucked into an argument with Green.
Instead he allowed her to get deeper and deeper in her own bias.
Don’t ever take an interview about your book or novel for
granted. First, they all matter. Second, you never know when some reporter will
give you the golden opportunity.
There are a great many sins
in this world, none of them original.
Knowing and knowing what to
do about it were two different things.
The problem with the
contemplative life was that there was no end to contemplation, no fixed time
limit after which thought had to be transformed into action. Contemplation was
like sitting on a committee that seldom made recommendations and was ignored
when it did, a committee that lacked even the authority to disband.
Novel writing is mostly
triage (this now, that later) and obstinacy. Trying something, and when that
doesn't work, trying something else. Welcoming clutter. Surrendering a good
idea for a better one. Knowing you won't find the finish line for a year or
two, or five...
There is
an interesting op/ed piece in the Wall Street Journal today by author Ann
Patchett. The
Antidote to Algorithims: A Real Bookstore takes
President Obama to task for visiting an Amazon facility in Chattanooga, TN,
earlier this week, but not taking the time to come up to Nashville to visit
Parnassus, a real book store owned by Patchett and her partners.
This is one of those double-edged swords for President Obama, politicians
and a lot of other folk. This week Amazon
announced the creation of 7,000 new jobs. Five thousand of those jobs are
warehouse level positions with better-than-average pay, benefits, stock grants
and tuition reimbursement.
On the other hand, independent bookstores continue to struggle in
a changing market, and Barnes & Noble is pretty much dead bookstore
walking.
This is a tough one. Part of me wants to say this is the free
market at work. In a sense it is. Those indie book stores that remain are
stronger because they have had to innovate in order to survive, and they offer
things that Amazon can't--author events, children's book clubs and the opportunity
to browse shelves and discover up and coming authors. You don't get that chance
at Amazon, nor do you get it at CostCo or Wal-Mart.
Favorable court rulings have also given Amazon an unfair
advantage. Rumor has it, as reported in this blog
and by many others, that the internet behemoth is already preparing to raise
online prices. You can't beat the convenience, though, especially when I
consider the nearest independent bookstore to me is a fifteen–mile drive, and I
live in suburban Los Angeles.
I will continue to shop on Amazon. I like the convenience. I'll
probably continue to purchase used books. My funds are limited. But I also am
pledging to purchase at least a book a month from an independent book store.
It's the least I can do to support the industry where I hope to make a living.
In my
last blog post I mentioned how last week I purchased a novel based on my distant
recollection of a review I had read about it. I don’t remember where I saw the
review, but it was likely in one of the
more highly respected sources, The Los
Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal or the New York Times (I don’t normally
read USA Today, but that’s a good place to get a review, too). I did a little
research into getting reviews. There is a lot to know.
Everyone
wants reviews in the premier forums, but it’s not easy. Reviewers from these
publications are inundated with requests. Books are mailed to them every day.
Reviews at this level most often come from an agent or a publicist that has a
connection, or an author who has a track record.
This is an
area to consider if you decide to work with a publicist. What sorts of connections
do they have with reviewers and what has their success rate been in the past.
If you are
one of those rare few writers who finds themselves being pursued by more than
one agent or publisher, this is a factor you should weigh in your decision. All
other things being equal, which one has the better success rate with reviewers? How many copies is the publisher betting aside for reviewers?
Another
forum for reviews that plays heavily into many buying decisions is Amazon. Think
about it. How many times have you checked out the reviews on Amazon before
making the buying decision? Amazon actually ranks their reviewers, and as is
usual these days, they are ranked by mysterious algorithms that no one understands.
We will talk
about Amazon reviews in a future blog post. Keep a lookout.
I had lunch
with a good friend of mine a few days ago, someone who until recently was in
the publishing industry with a smaller press. She and her employer, however,
had to make the tough business decision.
There’s no way this business model
will continue to work.
For my
friend, it was, “Hello, unemployment.”
At lunch she
made an observation that I have heard her make before. I paraphrase: There are
too many books chasing too few readers.
So the
question is, how do we get our books to rise to the top?
Flash ahead
to yesterday and my weekly pilgrimage to CostCo. I picked up the 40-roll pack
of toilet paper, the printer ink cartridges, and the 24-pack of AA batteries—among
other necessities. Then I made my obligatory cruise past the book table.
It was the
standard fair, the same top twenty or thirty authors. Then I came across a
title that looked vaguely familiar—Tell
the Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt. I’m not sure why I picked it up.
The cover is not particularly dynamic. There was a quote from Oprah’s magazine,
but I’ve been disappointed by that source in the past so I don’t put too much
into it. There was a CostCo Bookshelf Buyer’s Pick sticker. That might have had
something to do with it. There was also the quote from the Wall Street Journal,
“Tremendously moving.” Okay, if a book was able to make America’s business
newspaper remember it had a heart, that might be worth a read.
Then I read
the back cover blurb and something ticked. Somewhere, someplace, I read a
review of this book. I don’t remember where, but I remembered it and I
remembered it was favorable. The book made it into my cart, right next to a bag
of dog food so big that when I bought it I remember thinking that I hope out
dog lives long enough to finish it (He probably will; he’s only four).
So there it
is, I bought a novel based on a review.
Connect this
story to a conversation I had with a modestly published novelist earlier this
year. Her fourth novel was on the shelves. I’d seen favorable reviews of it in
the Los Angeles Times, the New Work Times and mention in the Wall Street
Journal. “How did you get those reviews?” I asked. “I’m not sure,” she
answered. I was flummoxed. As writers we are entrepreneurs. We need to know how
to get these things done. There are a lucky few of us who will find our way to
the New York publisher, the big guys with budgets and connections, but many of
us will be with smaller presses. Many of us will fund our own book tours. We
need to know how to do these things.
Writing is like golf. Just about the time you think you have reached a level of proficiency, someone or something comes along and blasts you out of the water with a new way of thinking. I read this article this morning, and it happened to me again. It's frustrating, and one of the reasons I love it, both golf and writing. BTW, this is reposted from Culture Porn.
In six seconds, you’ll hate me. But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.
From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it. If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.
Present each piece of evidence. For example:
“During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs Forget and Remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it. And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
(…)
For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.
Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.
“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”
“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”
“Larry knew he was a dead man…”
Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.
Sometimes life is merely a
matter of coffee and whatever intimacy a cup of coffee affords.
I have always wanted to write
a book that ended with the word 'mayonnaise.’
Probably the closest things
to perfection are the huge absolutely empty holes that astronomers have
recently discovered in space. If there's nothing there, how can anything go
wrong?
It's strange how the simple
things in life go on while we become more difficult.
He learned about life at
sixteen, first from Dostoevsky and then from the whores of New Orleans.
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