Within a few pages of the beginning of Rules for Giving the reader learns that the 
protagonist, Gavin Oliver, has two problems. The first problem is this twenty-three-year-old girl, the daughter of one of Gavin’s long-ago love interests, has appeared on the scene. The second problem (and this is the one he is not yet aware of) is Gavin’s business, which he has just taken over as owner after a messy partnership battle.
In the first draft I rambled on and on about the dynamics of the business and Gavin’s rival. It was boring as hell. I needed to show, not tell. In the rewrite I used a device, a newspaper article, to let the reader know some of the particulars about the business. On his way into have a cup of coffee, Gavin picks up the morning newspaper and reads about his recent conquest:
Pasadena Business Changes Owners
Pasadena, CA—Becker Marketing & Advertising, one of Pasadena’s homegrown businesses, is changing hands. Corrine Becker, founder of the thirty-two year old agency, sold her interest in the company to Gavin Oliver. She plans to retire.
Oliver has been a partner in the business for the last five years and has worked there for eighteen years.
The agency, which billed in excess of $40 million last year, employs 24 people. Clients include Volunteer Insurance, the Catholic archdiocese, Pasadena Memorial Hospital, Right & Ready Markets, and several mid-sized manufacturers.
Until several weeks ago the ownership of the agency was split between four employees—Becker, Oliver, office manager Ynez Orozco and Willa Malin. Malin resigned two weeks ago to pursue other business interests. Orozco retains a minority interest in the firm.
In four paragraphs I conveyed a lot of material:
- I emphasize the geographic location of the action.
- I tell them what the protagonist does for a living and how he acquired the business.
- How long he has worked at his employment.
- How big the business is.
- I introduce several characters.
- I hint at a conflict with the mysterious words, “Malin resigned two weeks ago to pursue other business interests.” This one sentence tells the alert reader that a problem is coming. Gavin just doesn’t know it yet.
Using a newspaper article to tell backstory is not a tool you can use all the time. It is one of those one-time devices. I read a mystery/police procedural author who, it seems, uses it all the time. The reality is he has used to twice, but it seems like more.
Remember: show, don’t tell. My suggestion is read Self Editing for Fiction Writers. It’s one of several great books on fiction writing.
See ya’ later.
WhatIfYouCouldNotFail.com by Tim Sunderland is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License
Video by GRPH3B18 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Comments